Write Your Life Well

April 22, 2010
Lisa Bevere
Lisa Bevere

By Lisa Bevere

When I first became a mother, I recognized the immediate connection with my son. His stare penetrated and enlarged my heart. It was as though he was searching and sounding the depths of me just as I was searching him. We both longed to know and be known. I did not want to stop gazing into his eyes. He was perfect in every way. Everything else was lost to me as we connected.

This unique mother-child connection has deep meaning for each one of us, regardless of our age. Each one of us must know, without a doubt there is a safe and intimate connection as a daughter in this vast expanse of Earth. Each of us must know we are watched for and will be welcomed. This must happen to truly flourish, for without this link, it is far too easy to lose our way.

Ideally, this connection should first develop in our homes, and then again and again as we journey through life. However, in this less than ideal world, many never find this connection at home. If you have never experienced this, it is time you did. Even if you experienced a violation of safety or trust instead of being nurtured, it is still imperative that you have these intimate connections. You can find them.

I believe that with all my heart. I?ve become so passionate about this subject, that it?s the topic of my next book, Nurture. I want to help position you to make those heart and relationship connections. Nurture is something that each one of us needs in order to thrive. Connections are important. Mothers help us discover who we are. You cannot allow just anyone to define you. You should ask questions only of those you know have the answers.

In an atmosphere of nurture, true mothers have the answers. A true mother does not have to be limited to biology. True mothers are ageless and understand the importance of launching her daughters to fly. True mothers provide nurture and wisdom. Simply through her presence, a true mother offers comfort and assurance. The truth is, there has never been a more desperate need for the presence of nurture.

Were you ever cared for? Wanted? Watched for? Loved? Did you belong? Did someone bigger and wiser know and understand what you needed? Who instructed you and, when the time was right, taught you to fly?

I know something of this urgency. I travel the world and see motherless daughters running from one thing to another, calling “Here I am,” but far too often their cries are unanswered. They call out, but mothers are busy and the earth keeps turning. These daughters are in our homes, school systems, marketplace, and churches. They are in every age bracket and everywhere women can be found. They range from beautiful young actresses to doctors and attorneys. They are pastors? wives who are surrounded, but alone. They are stay-at-home mothers, isolated and exhausted. They are college coeds and women in prison. They are grandmothers wondering if anyone values their words.

Some of these daughters were forced to fly from their homes before they had realized the strength of connection with other women. They are ever moving, but never resting. Having never been nurtured, they have no frame of reference on how to nurture others. Some were abandoned and had to struggle to live. Others were intimately injured in what was meant to be a place of safety. Even now these women are afraid to stretch forth their wings and fly.

Perhaps you are one of these. Perhaps you are a mother who would love to do something but do not know where to start. Perhaps you are a daughter who desperately needs a mother. Perhaps you are both.

A stirring, a gathering, an awakening is growing around the world. Women are rising to take their places. They are finding their voices and reconnecting with their hearts. In response to this, doors are opening to women. Nature itself is crying out for the nurture women bring.

I believe this timeless reconnection between mothers and daughters will strengthen. The big picture is opening up before us: The world needs its women. Daughters need their mothers. Women need each other. The problems are so big, the need is so vast, so that our response must also be intimate and enormous. Big governments with big guns will not answer the human cry for safety and connection. We are heartsick and we need safe connections so we can in turn heal and help others.

On a larger scale, nurture is an answer to society?s need for connection. I watch amazed as the voices of daughters rise and link together on TV, over the Internet, through books and in every form of media. If we can all begin to speak the same language of nurture and strength, we will make necessary connections. There is amazing power in speaking the same language. It makes the overwhelming and impossible . . . possible.

Look at what God said when the people in ancient times built the Tower of Babel: If they can accomplish this when they have just begun to take advantage of their common language and political unity, just think of what they will do later. Nothing will be impossible for them! Come, let?s go down and give them different languages. Then they won?t be able to understand each other. (Genesis 11:6–7)

When God divided the languages, confusion set in and they could not complete their tower. Perhaps at that time God did not want all the people in one place. He wanted the inhabitants of Earth to spread out and fill it. But that was long ago. We have filled the earth and live in a very different season. I do not believe this is a season when God is scattering people—I believe He is in the process of gathering. I believe God has connections for the daughters and mothers on every level, in the marketplace, in the media, in the home, and in the house of God.

This gathering of women, this hunger for nurture, drives me. I want to find daughters and help them recover life and safety. I want them to grow so they can fly. I want to turn the heads of busy mothers so they will notice daughters who are searching. And I want to empower the grandmothers to lend the comfort only they know how to give. I want women nurtured well, so they can in turn enlarge the lives of others-who will hear the cry of Earth?s citizens.

I hear the inquiry echoed worldwide as a generation of daughters search the faces of other women in pursuit of mothers. The quest is not undertaken just by infants, but by those who realize that they have in fact lost something of value. They have turned to many semblances and forms of mothers but found that these substitutes fell short.

Women are life and relationship connectors. Where is your connection? Daughter, where is your mother? Mother, where is your daughters? Sister, where are your friends? Grandmother, where are the younger women who long for your wisdom?

God is stirring those whose hearts long to see these loose ends tied up. We need to actively search out and begin to develop these connections. Sisters, I believe it is our time. Nurture, the language of the feminine heart, is being restored as women arise, recognize each other, and begin to connect for strength and purpose.
Adapted from Lisa Bevere?s book, Nurture: Give and Get What You Need to Flourish. Published by Faith Words. Used by permission.